Ripped

January 11, 2010

Photo by Pam Wells © 2010

Evan stared at himself in the bedroom mirror. A pale, skinny spud stared back. He flexed what could be flexed, turning sideways to see if it made any difference. It didn’t.

He flopped on his bed and picked up a DVD: Train Like A Pro! Any Bum Can Do It. The bum on the cover sure did it.

Evan loaded the DVD into his computer. When the icon appeared, he launched an application and clicked a few keys.

“Dinner in five,” Audrey called up the stairs.

“Okay,” Evan yelled back.

Six minutes went by. Audrey poked her head in the room. “That can wait, Evan, whatever it is.” She came in and looked over his shoulder. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, I can see it’s a workout video. The one your granddad gave you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I think the idea was actually to do the exercises, not watch them.”

“I will. Soon as I rip it.”

“Rip it?”

Evan jumped up from his desk—“Do I smell a chicken?”—and charged down the stairs.

Audrey glared at his computer. “Yes,” she said.

The Pullets sat at the kitchen table. Evan was chewing. He held up his hand and kept chewing as Audrey waited for an answer. Audrey glanced at Carl, who was also chewing.

“He’s pirating a DVD,” Audrey said, punching her words.

Carl swallowed. “Something good, I hope,” he said. Audrey groaned.

“Mom, I already own it. I didn’t steal it, I’m just making it more useful.”

“That doesn’t matter; it’s against the law. You could be arrested by Interpol,” Audrey said. Carl was unable to suppress a smile. Audrey suppressed it for him.

“It’s not like I’m selling it,” Evan said. “Anyway, you copy stuff all the time.”

“On paper,” Audrey said.

“So how’s that different?”

“Well, number two, I don’t copy a whole book, just a few pages for personal use. Number one, it’s legal.”

“This is for my personal use.”

“So you can get in shape, right?”

“Right.”

Audrey smiled. “Then all you really need is a trainer.” Her gaze landed on Carl. “Which any bum can do.”

©  2010 Pam Wells

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